Kathmandu: Hash, Death & Monkeys (Pt 1)

Tuesday 19th November

Well, here I am. After months of not planning, I find myself in the middle of my strangest adventure and coolest country yet. It’s important to not have expectations when going to any new place, but after hearing everyone rant and rave about how face-meltingly amazing Nepal is – it was hard not to feel tingles up my spine as the Thai Air flight touched down in what must be the smallest international airport in the universe. Serviced by a single runway, Tribhuvan Airport lies just east of Kathmandu and is the primary gateway to a country where adventurers from all over flock to see the roof of the world, and then get caught in the magic that lies within its surrounding lands.

Despite this – Nepal is not a rich country. In fact, it’s one of the poorest that there is, with a GDP per capita of just a thousand dollars a year. And though the tourism industry sure is a-boomin’, the country’s infrastructure hasn’t quite had the chance to catch up yet. The first I saw of this was when the power to the airport momentarily cut whilst I was queuing to get my visa sorted. Shite, I never thought to check what the craic was with visas over here. After my saga with the immigration officer in Hanoi you’d think I’d have learned by now to figure these things out in advance… Thankfully, there was the option to apply for one on arrival, and because one thing that I have learned is to always carry emergency US dollars (for those crucial moments when a bribe is required), I knew I’d be ok.

I checked the information board and saw that a 30-day visa was fifty bucks, with the next tier being a 90-day visa for $125. How long was I even going to be here for? After some mental gymnastics I deduced that my flight home would be leaving in… 32 days. Arse. There was no way to just tack two extra days to the cheaper option either, it was one or the other. After a wait that seemed to stretch into hours, I finally found myself face to face with a portly and kind-looking immigration official.

“Good afternoon sir!” he boomed, disarming me with the biggest smile, and moustache, that I’d seen in a long time.
“Namaste” I replied, handing over my documents. I’d already learned that was how to say hello here, may as well get him on-side.
“Is it your first time here sir?”
“It sure is”
“Ah I see! Well you are most welcome to Nepal sir. What is it you hope to be doing while you are here? Maybe some trekking?”
Aware that I was being fed the answer that he wanted to hear, “That’s the plan! I suppose I’ll figure it out as I go along”
“And how long will you be staying in Nepal sir?”
“Thirty days” I lied, poker face at the ready. Dealing with the officials on the way out (and any overstay-penalties) was a problem for Future Darragh. I was confident he’d be able to handle it.
“Very good sir, well I do hope you enjoy your time with us in Nepal” he warmly replied, stamping my passport and handing everything back to me.

Honestly, after becoming so used to the no-bullshit-what-do-you-want direct manner typical of Vietnam, I was a little taken aback by how friendly this guy seemed, but this would prove to be the norm for every local that I met during my time here. I couldn’t help but feel that things were off to a good start.

Walking out of the airport I was greeted by what felt like forty taxi drivers all asking me where I was from and if I needed a cab. Because I wanted an immersive experience of the city streets, and because I’m cheap, I elected instead to hop on the back of a motorbike. I knew from my time in Hanoi that there’s really no better way to get a feel for what a place is like than by hanging on for dear life at the back of a bike that’s whizzing past cars and trucks and people alike.

And like my recently adopted city, Kathmandu also has systemic issues with traffic and pollution. So I was already starting to feel at home. One thing I wasn’t prepared for however was the level of poverty to be seen on the streets. Vietnam is by no means a rich country either, but I found that in Hanoi the visibility of homelessness and begging was practically zero. I figured that this was either because the communist government there looked after its most vulnerable citizens, or because the state had them euthanized. (I kid, but you know what I mean. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR HOMELESS HANOI).

Kathmandu was a different kettle of fish altogether. The initial culture shock here comes from the everyday normality of people sifting through mounds of trash, seeing families living in half finished buildings with no electricity or running water, or women holding babies up as they approach to beg for money, and the general slog of a dusty city still trying to rebuild four years after a devastating 7.8 magnitude earthquake flattened entire swathes of it.

But rebuilding it is. There’s an absolute fever of construction happening at the moment, as old buildings are slapped back together and new ones go up alongside them to accommodate the ever-increasing numbers of tourists. Undoubtedly this is a big factor in the ever worsening smog-situation, and I wonder what a few more years of unchecked, rampant expansion will do to a city already struggling with sustainability of any kind.

Enough about that though, it would be very remiss of me to just focus on the more shocking elements of my first impressions without giving the full picture. Let me tell you – Kathmandu is mental. And it’s very much alive. It teems with the constant chatter of its residents (who number about a million), which coupled with the manic nature of its many side streets gives the place a real buzz of magic in the air. Colour abounds, and is seen everywhere you look. From the painted vehicles that whizz past you (which the owners decorate themselves to bring good luck) to the Tibetan prayer flags which stream above all of the shops, roads and temples. These are bright, rectangular cloths of primary colours that are hung high outside and used to promote compassion, peace, strength, and wisdom. They are also used to carry prayers and mantras through the wind. It’s impossible to come here and not want to buy some to take home with you, they rock.

Kathmandu is also incredibly old, with parts of it stretching back two thousand years. Even then it was the capital of the Kingdom of Nepal, and it became known as the “City of the Temples”. Having come here via Bangkok, the bar for temples was set quite high, but I’m happy to report that Kathmandu more than met it. What its places of worship lacked in opulence and grandeur, they made up for in authenticity and the experiential nature of visiting them. But more on that later.

After an admittedly arduous time in Bangkok thanks to my now nearly-three-week-long battle with a stomach bug (or a parasite, possibly. I might still be in denial over this one), I had been left pretty beaten down and a little disappointed that I couldn’t muster up more energy to take the city on at full throttle. With the worst of that now behind me though, (touch wood), I was resolved to waste no time immersing myself balls-deep in the Nepalese capital.

First I needed somewhere to base myself, and the place to do that was the Thamel district. It’s essentially backpacker-centrale, and with all of the main tourist shops and bars – it serves as the beating heart, or throbbing groin, of Kathmandu. After I hopped off the bike and thanked the driver, who had spent the entire journey shouting trekking tips back to me over the roar of the road, I found myself at a charming hostel called Alobar-1000. The name comes from a character in a Tom Robbins story who defies the concept of death, and through will, meditation, daily rituals, and love of his companion lives to be 1000 years old. That’ll do, I thought. The hostel itself was pretty no-frills, but had a fantastic rooftop hangout space where fellow travellers could meet, eat and smoke together. That’ll definitely do.

Now, normally I would describe myself as a pretty social animal, and I’ve never had a hard time striking up conversations with strangers, but for some reason for the first time ever I found myself having no desire to go through the motions of repeatedly asking and pretending to care where these (presumably lovely) tourists were from and what they were doing in Nepal. I usually love it, but I just didn’t have the energy for such banalities this time. Perhaps the parasite living within me was an introvert. I decided to name it Percy.

Sensing that any real interaction of substance was to be found out on the streets, I checked my watch – sure it was only 2pm. Plenty of time for an adventure. Top of my list for places to see was Swayambhunath, or, Monkey Temple. For Buddhists, it’s one of the holiest places in the world. It also has a load of monkeys that live there and apparently, the best views of Kathmandu. What more do ya need? It was on top of a hill and an hour’s walk away, but I resisted the temptation to just hop in a cab and decided to instead take the opportunity to walk through the city and work my calves out on the climb.

The walk through Thamel was certainly interesting, and it seemed that every door that I passed was either a tourist gift shop, an outdoor gear vendor (no better place to get a fake North Face jacket), or a tourist agency offering trekking packages and tours – I learned that there’s over 1,800 of these agencies, and could absolutely believe it. They were everywhere. Once through the other side of Thamel, I started to climb the hill that overlooks all of Kathmandu. I had aspirations on doing a proper trek at some point anyways so this was a good way to start my training for it. I’d made it about two thirds of the way up when a familiar sensation started rumbling in my bowels, followed by acute cramps. Ah fer feck’s sake, I knew what was coming – and a bathroom would be needed promptly.

Cursing the creature I was probably carrying, and its inherent disregard for symbiosis with its host, I ducked into the nearest establishment – a building about seven stories high with the curious name of Hotel Om. Once inside however the most unusual thing happened – the cramping ceased, and my insides suddenly stabilised. Huh, false alarm I guess. In the absence of discomfort I was now aware of how hungry I was. This was good! I’d lost my appetite several days earlier in Bangkok so it felt like a sign that things were finally starting to return to normal. Conveniently the hotel I found myself in had its own restaurant on the top floor with breathtaking views of the city – the perfect spot to try my first Nepalese meal.

I was the only customer present, and there was something strangely peaceful about having the entire place to myself. Across the rows of empty tables was an outstanding view of Kathmandu that stretched out to the horizon. Monkey Temple wasn’t too much further up the hill, and I was definitely ahead of schedule, so it was easy to make the decision to post up there for the afternoon. Well chosen, Percy. The lone staff member on duty seemed quite chill and content to leave me to it. I asked for something popular and local – and was served Dal Baht, which is the national dish of Nepal. It’s basically a type of lentil curry with steamed rice, but for all of its simplicity the taste and flavour of it was out of this world. If you like Indian cuisine, you’ll love Nepalese.

With my meal finished I allowed myself to get lost gazing at the cityscape before me. The combination of mismatched buildings and general chaos in Kathmandu combined with its bright colours and lively energy found me thinking of Sakaar, the planet that features in Thor: Ragnarok. I was suddenly snapped out of my daydream by a trendy looking young man who was also taking in the view beside me. He had big, dark wavy hair that swept perfectly to one side and a black bomber jacket with white air force insignias. I doubted that it was the kind of thing that a real pilot would have ever worn, but this guy pulled it off.
“Hey man, how are you feeling right now?” he asked. It was a curious way to greet a stranger, but I liked the earnest directness of it.
“Hi there! Pretty good actually, I’m really enjoying these views. How are you feeling right now?”
He smiled, “I’m good, I’m good bro. What did you think of the food? Do you like Nepalese style?”
“Yeah it was great, I had no idea what to expect. It’s sort of like Indian but, eh..”
“Cheaper?” he finished, and we both laughed. At a cost of about a euro for the entire meal we weren’t shitting each other.
“That’s really good man. I’m Rowsan” he stretched out a hand, “I work the night shift here”
Ahhh, now his questions made sense. I returned the formality and he sat down beside me.

Rowsan was just one of those people that you immediately clicked with. He was equally interested in sharing information about himself and his country as he was about learning whatever he could about mine. During the day he was studying for an engineering degree and by night he looked after the reception downstairs. I quickly found out that all of the staff at this hotel were young men in their early 20s, and that it was as much a hangout den for them as it was a place of work.

“Yeah man we’re like a brotherhood here” Rowsan explained, “we all look after each other”. There was a quiet air of leadership to the way that he spoke. “Do you want to come meet the guys?”
“That would be really cool. Honestly I’ve had such a positive experience with everyone I’ve met so far. It’s kind of crazy how nice you all are”
“Of course bro, that’s our culture you know”
I was a little confused, “What do you mean?”
“Atithi Dewo Bhawa” he explained, “that’s Sanskrit for Guest is God. Always in history man when travelers all over the country would stay at a house, the people of that house and village would treat the stranger as God. This is because they believed that the guest would bring good omens, blessing and happiness to the house they stayed in overnight”.
“Huh” I said, processing what he said. This was super interesting.
He continued, “The guest would be treated with respect and all sorts of hospitality so that they would go out satisfied and in return give blessings. It’s still like that today bro, everywhere you go in Nepal”.

Well shit. I’d always assumed that us Irish were the masters of hospitality, but it appears that Nepal is operating on a whole other level in that regard. There’s a lot we could learn from them.
“That’s really cool Rowsan. You’re a good ambassador for your country”
“Nah it’s nothing man. C’mon let’s say hello to the kitchen”.

On the way there we passed Anan, the quiet but friendly chap that served me my food. He couldn’t have been a day over 17. I was still, bizarrely, the only customer there that afternoon, so he was posted at the bar counter and, naturally, transfixed to his phone. It was good to see that some things are universal about today’s youth.

I then got a tour of the kitchen where I was able to thank the chef for the meal. He didn’t speak much English but his enthusiastic exclamation of “Dal Bhat power, twenty four hour!” still brings a smile to my face. It’s an appropriate catchphrase for Nepal’s sturdy staple food.
Rowsan then turned to me and asked “How are you feeling now man? Do you want to check out the roof?”. As if I needed to be asked.

We went out a service door which gave way to an outside staircase, it would appear there was one more level to the Hotel Om – and one more surprise with it.

The very top of the building was a flat space, about eight meters squared, containing an array of satellite dishes, air conditioning units and storage tanks. There was also a 360 degree panoramic view that surpassed what had blown me away in the restaurant below.
“Damn, Rowsan” I exhaled, “this is quite the perch!”
I noticed then that we weren’t alone, and squatting nearby was another character. A bit older than the others, but with a much smaller frame. He was rubbing his fingers together over a piece of rolling paper that lay on his flattened palm.

“What’s eh, what’s going on over there?” I asked, knowing full well what was going on over there.
“That’s hashish bro, he’s rolling us up a little if you’d like to have some”
Jaysus, honest to god hash! I hadn’t had that in donkey’s years. While it was abundant in my adolescence – it’s a real rarity back home nowadays, all you’ll find there is regular weed. I suspect that the reason for that is down to the proliferation of clandestine growhouses across Ireland, which are reportedly controlled by the Chinese Triads. It’s much easier for them to pump out weed with artificially boosted concentrations of THC than it is to be smuggling big blocks of hash in from Morocco.

But I digress.

From my research online I knew that Dal Baht wasn’t the only specialty of Nepal, they’re also known for making cracking good hash. Before coming here I’d set myself the goal of seeking it out, but couldn’t have predicted that it would instead find me in this way. Rowsan ushered me over and we sat down beside the next member of Hotel Om’s motley crew.

“How’s it goin'” I offered. I was met first with his eyes, then a smile, and finally a nod. Then without so much as a word he dutifully went back to his task of rolling a spliff.
“He’s uh, quite the chatterbox” I said to Rowan, who laughed. “Don’t worry man, this is Bikas, he doesn’t understand English but he’s the hardest worker here. Every day he works, works, works”, I noticed him now regarding his colleague with a look of, was it sadness? Unease? “Some people they drink and they don’t handle alcohol so well, but Bikas he smokes and it helps him focus”.
“I hear ya brother”, having quit drinking myself seven months earlier, I knew what he meant. Drinking’s grand, but it’s not for everyone. I believe it’s important for each of us to figure out which vices suit us (naturally, by trying all of them) and to subsequently free ourselves then of the ones that don’t. We all have to walk our own path on that one though.

Although our interaction was to be non-verbal, this time, I couldn’t help but get a sense that Bikas was a good person. Despite his shyness I felt nothing but good vibes and energy coming from him. When he was ready, he offered the unlit joint over to me.
“Oh! That’s kind of you but you rolled it, you should spark it”, we Irish have ‘politely declining‘ down to a fine-art. I threw in lots of gesturing to make sure he got my point.
Bikas again held it out, more insistently this time, and softly said – “Atithi Dewo Bhawa”. See? I feckin knew this guy was sound.

I accepted it graciously, put the joint to my lips and inhaled deeply as I brought my lighter up to the other end. I could feel the mixture of hash and tobacco fill my lungs and the respective drugs immediately got to work. I’ve no love for smoking fags, and usually prefer to just roll with plain green, but I must admit the nicotine rush added a certain kick to the happy cloud of THC that was now enveloping my brain and binding to its cannabinoid receptors. My mind relaxed, as though it had slipped into a bath at just the perfect temperature.

There was also a lovely body high that came with it, and therein lies the beauty of hash. See – there’s two active ingredients that can be derived from the marijuana plant; THC, which is the psychoactive compound that makes you feel “high”, and CBD, which is the pain reliever and relaxant that makes your body feel “stoned”. It’s important to note that these two compounds are not mutually exclusive – many health products that you can buy completely legally will only contain CBD (shoutout to Little Collins CBD Dispensary in Galway). On the other side of it, weed is being engineered to yield higher amounts of THC – with less of its more chilled out cousin.

Hashish, which is made when resin from the plant is compacted to make those beautiful brown bricks, naturally has high levels of both. This is important because CBD has been shown to counter-balance some of the negative psychotropic side-effects of THC (like paranoia), and reduce the associated risk of psychosis. Make no mistake, weed can be fun and beneficial, but if you think that it’s just a gentle plant with no potential for harm – you’re only foolin’ yourself pal. Talk to any seasoned smoker and they’ll tell you that the ganja of today packs far more of a punch than it used to. Bud be dank yo.

If you happen to be someone who has a hard time with weed, or if you tend to get anxiety from smoking it and don’t enjoy it, consider experimenting with hash instead. It might be a better fit for ya. And if that still doesn’t help, then perhaps smoking just isn’t for you – and that’s ok too.

As I was exploring and noting the various sensations, I suddenly felt a warm wave of nostalgia washing over me. Just like smells, tastes and sounds – a substance can strongly associate itself with memories too.
I was cast back to the summer of 2006, and my first experiences with smoking. I thought of breezy seaside days with my Irish language camp in Spiddal, and mustering up the courage to kiss a girl who was much taller than me…

“It’s good pollen, ey bro?”
“You’re absolutely right Róisín”, I said, my mind still half in another place and time. “Tis lovely hash to be sure”. By this point the joint had gone all the way around, and the three of us were joined together by the same happy haze. I wondered what memories it brought them.
“And how are you feeling now my friend?” Rowsan said with a grin.
I wanted to tell him that I felt grateful, I wanted to tell him that I felt baked, but instead I could only manage to giggle. He and Bikas quickly joined in, and as it built the roar of our laughter was swept up by the wind high across the rooftops and down over the dusty streets of Kathmandu.

To be continued…

Night Drive

07/11/19

On my way back in the dead of night I pass by a mistimed overtake or an unforeseen skid.
Strewn flowers line a trail of broken things and regrets as onlookers gather.
At the centre of it all, an old market woman lies spread eagled, her white face mask standing bright against hair matted into the dark wet shine around the back of her head.
Unencumbered, her eyes remain fixed at the heavens as if to ask – ‘is there anybody out there?’
Not brave enough to see if she is answered, I check that my helmet is fastened and accelerate home.

Hopeless Romantic

28/06/19

I know we didn’t plan it
Some people won’t understand it
Not gonna take it for granted
I’m a hopeless romantic it’s true
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To make you shamelessly swoon
Don’t say ya don’t feel it too
I’m a hopeless romantic with you

Some people don’t like flowers cause they’re dead when you pick em
But hey I thought that these would look swell in your kitchen
Listen I got a lot of feels that can’t remain static
It’s why I’m such a goddamned hopeless romantic
Frantically trying to slow down with my timin’
And gather these scattered thoughts of mine into a rhyme,
There’s a lot of love in this world but it’s mostly unsaid,
And I’m willing to bet that fuels a lot of regret,
So fuck it – I wanna sync up my heart with my head and my mouth to your mouth and tonight with my bed
So instead of being afraid of it being too soon
I’ll say hey – it’s been a week and I’m falling in love with you
If you’re feeling it too then just tell me the truth
You might as well make a little use of your youth
At this stage being coy won’t do ya no favours
So let’s go home and get noise complaints from the neighbours

I know we didn’t plan it
Some people won’t understand it
Not gonna take it for granted
That I’m a hopeless romantic it’s true
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To make you shamelessly swoon
Don’t say ya don’t feel it too
I’m a hopeless romantic with you

See that’s the thing about me, I only know one speed
It’s how with relative ease I wear my heart on my sleeve
Believe in something hard enough and you will see
The power that we have in how life’s tapestry weaves
I need to cause a commotion with this deep ocean of notions
I’m not one of those to just go through the motions
And I’ve spoken before – I don’t do heartbroken no more
The present gives too much, who’s even keepin score
So whatever if whether it lasts forever or never, right now it keeps getting better and better
Hey let’s get piercings together and maybe a tattoo
I know I sound crazy but so do you!

Does your boyfriend compliment you
Does your girl do the things that I do
Don’t tell me ya don’t feel it too,
I’m a hopeless romantic with you

I know we didn’t plan it
Some people won’t understand it
Not gonna take it for granted
That I’m a hopeless romantic it’s true
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To make you shamelessly swoon
Don’t say ya don’t feel it too
I’m a hopeless romantic with you

Welcome To Hanoi

20/06/19

Step off that plane and into a wall of sticky heat
The thick air enveloping me like in a lucid dream
Only carrying bold ambition, no worldy possessions in tow
(To thank for that was Aeroflot, who left my bag in Moscow)

If this city can be described in one word well that word is ALIVE
It’s inhabitants buzz around like in a busy bee hive
Swarms of scooters honking their hooters
moving together like schools of fish
Yielding right of way is right out of the question
You just drive straight in, red lights are but a suggestion

A world of fast tracked friends, a sense of fun without end
A place where people are just themselves, there’s no need to pretend
Well I’ve already leveled up and am now ready to feed the beast
The gloves are coming off in this Wild Wild East

As always – the clock’s ticking, so what’ll I do?
Everything I can dammit, and some extra stuff too –
I want to take cool photos
I want to write some rhymes
I want to “find myself”, (for like the seventh time)
I want to learn the local customs
I want to dine off the street
I want to fall a bit in love with every person that I meet
I wanna stay up all night waiting for the sun to rise above the clouds
(But then end up missing it cause I’m too busy making out)
I wanna smoke the local weed and drink ice tea too,
I’m trying all the new things, don’t get me started on the food!
Pho, bun cha, ban xeo,
Rau muong, goi cuon, com chay and cao lau!
I want to soak up the city vibes, every day and every kind,
As I step outside my front door to breathe in that fresh… uh nevermind

I’m here to remind myself that destiny can be mine
It’s choose your own adventure, and my choice is adventure every time
I want to share my energy and get high on connection
With someone who gets me, and understands my direction
I’m gonna flirt with Jupiter and ask the moon to dance
I’ll stare right into the eye of that great thing we call… coincidence
I’m striving for that experience most potent –
Of being completely at peace with the present moment


I’m not thinking about my life plan, and the things I’m supposed to do
I’m not worried about my pension or even my next solid poo
I’m fucking here, now, to feel! And what I feel is joy
Well shit son, looks like you made it… welcome to Hanoi.

Run Some More

08/05/19

Often would I sit, in a despairing pit
Of my own creation which – chained my spirit to the floor
To escape this mire, I knew I would require
Underneath me a fire – just to get me out the door

See – to live a life sedentary, can depress the soul aplenty
It affects the landed gentry – as it does the poor
But then I read the news, that with just a pair of shoes
You can break out of those blues – if you try to run some more

The thought it made me queasy, that it could be so easy
A disposition made breezy with a jog and nothing more?!
I decided I would try it, though I didn’t fully buy it,
But to keep my demons quiet – it was worth a shot for sure

So with my trainers laced, and my running songs placed
in a list, I then faced – my fears and went to war,
Slowly did I first move, as I got into the groove
And let the rhythm of the tunes – choose the pace I hit the floor

Soon I was pushing through the pavement, every step I made a statement
of this newfound elatement, hot damn – what a score!
I could feel my mindset morphin’, as I came up on endorphins
And without shame or sin?! I should really run some more

With growing confidence came quickened haste
By Odin’s Raven this is great! Why was I told not of this before?
Though I began to feel some pain, as my body it did strain,
Against this relentless train – of might and magic most pure

But no time for doubt or rest, ignore that drumming in your chest,
I’ll beat my personal best – if I can press on and endure,
Then my joints they did rattle as I began to battle
With my mind’s inner-prattle – “slow down!”, it said (what a bore)

Nothing can stop me now, just when I’ve figured how
To plough my energy with such force,
Imagine then my sense of wonder, when I felt a crack of thunder
My body torn asunder  – by the gods of excess and more

I started then to feel, in truth… ethereal,
The smoke cleared to reveal what held me back – strewn on the floor
wasting no goodbyes, I took it in my stride,
and cast that mortal coil aside – my spirit free
To run some more


I’m a cat

14/04/19

Meow meow meow 
(how do you do)
isn’t it great to be a cat?
I’ve a long swishy tail and sleek black fur
I do a Rolls Royce purr
who doesn’t love that?

dogs I have no time for, heavens above!
with their boundless enthusiasm and unconditional love
it’s a well known fact – the beasts have no tact
and while to them you might be Master
to me darling, you’re staff

you rescued me from obscurity
and a life of boredom on dreary streets
you enjoy spoiling me, I love it myself
it makes my whiskers wiggle
now let me knock every thing off your shelf
…just for shits and giggles

ah I see you’re home
purr purr purr
please feed me right meow you obsequious cur 
ah… you got me a cat thing…
that was expensive I’ll bet
not to be unkind but you won’t mind
if I play with the cardboard box instead?
where are my manners, I do say
I have a gift for you too –
it’s in the litter tray

very well, I’ll humour you Human
you may give my belly a rub
but do it for more than just three seconds
and I will fuck 
your 
shit 
up

it’s 5am, meow wake up! 
I need to go outside
well thank you dear for opening the door…
but now I see it’s raining
I think I’ve changed my mind

I’m there when you’re happy
I’m there when you’re sad 
I’m there on your darkest nights
I’ll purr on your chest to try help you rest
when you’re high as a fucking kite

I’ll intertwine our spirits
as I rub ‘round your legs
the very Shadow of your soul in flux
there are those who would surely beg  
for their own little living Horcrux 

so when you fuck off 

without so much as a farewell
I’ll leave my mark
and haunt your heart 
(you can be sure of that)
but do you think I’ll care, or even tell? 
bitch please

I’m a cat

I don’t want to know “what’s up”

01/04/19

tell me about the worst day of your life
tell me what do you like to create 
in the dead of night
tell me about your favourite book 
and why it’s movie was shite
you can tell me things I already know
I’m curious to hear your side
now tell me something that might surprise me
you callipygous delight

sure – what’s between your legs is interesting dear
but right now I’d rather caress what’s between your ears
I wanna hear you say things you never thought of before
and ask you questions that make you wanna ask more
and if it happens that I step too far
then tell me instead why we shouldn’t go to Mars

I wanna know what you think happens when we die 
and in return I’ll share with you the last time that I cried
bones points if you ask me something 
that makes me stop and think
(hey while I’m musing on that answer
would you like another drink?)

I wanna stay up until the crack of noon
talking about how Firefly ended too soon
tell me about that time that you lost a bet
tell me what are the drugs that you haven’t tried… yet
“I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways”
I wanna grow, and have you point out my mistakes

call me out on my bullshit!
I fucking love it when I’m wrong
tell me that actually that band didn’t write that song
school me hard when your heart is in it
then stare into my eyes for four entire minutes
and when all of that is said and done…
I wanna know what makes you come

I DON’T 
want to know “what’s up”
when it comes to that I 
don’t 
give 

fuck

don’t text me what you’re doin’ just to get my attention 
don’t ask about my plans tonight 
(unless you can suggest a correction)
I don’t want a notation of your day-to-day life
that’s one of many reasons I’m not looking for a wife
I love that you’re interested, it really is a plus
but if you haven’t got a point it comes across as vacuous 

if you receive a witty remark or a thoughtful flirt 
don’t reply with one word – Christ make a feckin’ effort
I don’t want it to seem as though I’m asking for too much
but R.I.P my esteem of you if you just send me a thumbs up

now I know you’re thinkin’ – 
“Darragh, who are YOU to complain?”
“your high and mighty rant reeks of supercilious distain”
well at least when I spew bullshit I try to entertain
and it’s not a lot to ask for conversations of quality
cause boring small talk and vapid chit chat
just feed my apathy

So I suppose my point is
(in case I forgot to mention)
really tell me anything but
PLEASE
do it with intention

Poetry Adventures in Barcelona

24/03/19

I was in Barcelona to visit my sister and decided to sign up for the weekly Poetry & Storytelling open mic that runs Thursdays in Pub Limerick. Much like the one I regularly take part in back in Madrid, the standard was high and the people were lovely and incredibly talented. I was given a ten minute slot at the end and picked out three pieces that I thought would go down well, the crowd seemed to enjoy it and I had an absolute blast. The fact that I was just a little wired at the time only added to the experience.

Check out the Poetry & Storytelling Barcelona – Open mic Facebook page

A special shoutout to Wally for capturing it all on video.

Ramblings of a Savoir Fairy” was the first poem I wrote for the stage and I actually came up with entire thing the last time I was in Barcelona back in October. It’s still my favourite piece so it was nice to bring it full circle and share it with the city that inspired it.

Whenever I perform “Squirrels!” I have to make sure I stay extra focused on whoever I’m talking to afterwards. The poem really highlights my short attention-span and I imagine they’re expecting my mind to wander!

You would not believe the amount of people that have come up to me to take my and scream “YES!” after seeing me perform this at gigs.

Afterwards Maureen, the super host and organiser of the event, asked would I be interested in joining the line up for a bigger night of established poets the following month (when sadly, I wouldn’t be around) and another one of the performers, Zaq Squares, invited me to take part at a concert that he was running the following week – which I would still be in town for!

These were honestly the nicest compliments I’ve received for my poetry yet and something I would never have expected. At his gig Zaq played a mixture of fun covers and his own superbly written songs and I can’t remember the last time I saw someone that good play in a bar. He’s on Spotify and is well worth checking out, and his charming short story about an inchworm that he read out at the poetry night is a pretty funny one too.

At Zaq’s show I was the half-time act. Initially I wasn’t sure how my poems would go down in a busy bar with people who were there for music and the craic, but they really got into it, and I daresay I had their rapt attention throughout. Having lots of them come up to me after to say how much they enjoyed it and what their favourite parts were was quite humbling, and of course we all stuck around for a few beers. Myself and a new Australian friend then ended up having a lock-in with the barman late into the night, don’t ever let it be said that you won’t meet interesting people with poetry! I really couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my last night in town.

Yes, that is a Danny Dorito on my t-shirt.

As with the Open Mic night, I’m very grateful for the chance to have done it. It was a ton of fun and the confidence boost I got from the whole experience is helping me define my own style of authentic and unapologetic performance-poetry. The goal now is to work on a brand new set of pieces for when I’m back in May, and Zaq and I are hoping to run another gig together then.

Certainly, Barcelona’s hip poetry scene hasn’t seen the last of me.

Bat

06/03/19

why hello little bat flyin’ ‘round the room
were you here this entire time? what have you been doin’?
did you try to hide from wild eyed lies?
was the banal banter too much to bear?
were you fried by the intensity of our cries
and untouched electricity left hanging in the air?
do you feel that you didn’t get your share?
were you tucked away up there dreaming of all of the things you would dare
do when you would wake?
well the party’s over little bat, you’ve arisen far too late
and all your frantic flutters and romantic stutters 
are lost in this hour of wolves

I feel the air ripple little bat as you flit about all sultry
and the pitter patter of leathery matter attacking walls and making curtains scatter
but you can’t stop here! This isn’t bat country 
you’re dazed and confused little bat, did you fly too close to the sun?
that star can damage you know, it’s not always loads of fun
were you blinded by the sight of lights that aren’t quite right and now feel a bit fucked?there are certain things that can’t be unseen, and it sure seems like you’re stuck
but!
there’s an open window of opportunity little bat, you just have to stop and look

I still hear your squeaky cries little bat, I wonder who were they for?
do you think anyone discreetly cries for you anymore?
I’m crying for you little bat. I’m crying for us both
what will you do with your freedom
I’ll never know

Rollover

25/02/19

Hey… what were your plans for today?
(and I know you know what I’m about to say)
but I don’t think we’re quite done with our play
which began sometime around… yesterday
If you’re not feeling finished, well that’s no surprise
we’re only getting started if we see the sunrise!

YES you have things to do, and your logic is sound
but this voracious appetite knows no bounds
and while ya can repeat an exam, or leave your work without
you can never relive a good night out
So don’t fret about your future
don’t fill your present with sorrow
we procrastinators are the leaders… of tomorrow!
but today you are mine and I won’t be unkind
so this day and a night and day I will borrow

You owe nothin’ to no-one but your truest self 
and I’ll be damned if you’re left up there on that shelf
we vowed not to suffer life’s strife and toil
so let’s now fuck up these mortal coils!
and in exchange for an indeterminate toll?
well, only the best sex drugs and rock’n’roll
be audacious and take your soul for ride 
(perhaps with some lysergic acid diethylamide)
and can I just say it would be simply uncouth 
to not compliment that orange with a glass of vermouth
or a bottle or five (I don’t really mind)
let’s get it all in while we’re still alive!
and can get some real milage out of our youth

So, you roll that up I’ll run down to the chino
ya gotta make your own luck, that’s one thing we know
reality is boring, so fuck it – let’s have fun
and frolic with satyrs and nymphs in the sun
don’t blink, it’ll fly, that’s true enough 
just think of all that’s gone by since you last woke up
it’s ok to want more, there’s nothing amiss
HOW could we possibly be expected to work on a day like this?
So if you’re ready to laugh at the void and dance by the abyss
then take my hand, and just say yes…